In some cases, I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin, because I'm so worried that something will happen. Perhaps I should start by saying I'm a parent. I'm a father of two little ones; big girl is 22 months old and baby moby is two months old. So where was I?
Oh yeah, sometimes feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. Let's say, as a parent, I have to move beyond that paranoid, worried, or whatever word to describe my "sometimes" OCD and helicopter-syndrome parenthood. If she falls, could I have caught her? If he spits up, could I have held him up longer? So where does this notion of moving beyond the paranoid come from?
Because sometimes, many times, I feel like a super hero. I feel like my glasses are my super powers. And perhaps that's because since big girl was younger, I would tell her to watch as dada put on his super powers. It was a way to let her adjust to a somewhat subtle change in my appearance, but with her knowing it was still dada.
What's it like to feel like a super hero? Perhaps it feels like a 30 something adult (with a bow in his hair) on all fours as his daughter tries to climb on his back. Perhaps it feels like having the perfect rocking mojo to swing baby boy to sleep. Perhaps it's knowing you can still make your wife laugh when she's had a long day. Fortunately, I have the right one by my side to help me become the parent I want to be.
I take my parenting like I approach my writing. I think I'm good, but I'll never think I'll be great or perfect. It's knowing that all I want to do is be better than I was the day before or at least be as involved as I was the day before. So I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. So what.
Perhaps it's that feeling that makes me want to try so hard. Perhaps it's that feeling that makes feeling like a super hero feel so damn satisfying. All I want to do is be the best father, and essentially the best husband to a fantastic wife and mother, because I know the relationship with her will hopefully translate to my children.
So sometimes I am a super hero. As long as I always try to protect and provide and feel the need to show them how much I love them so, I will always be a super hero. And I must never forget that.
Perhaps that is lesson 101.